Whenever Caleb sees a picture of an image that resembles God in his mind, he points to it and says, "That's God." Every time this happens, I have to tell him that the picture is not God, and when he proceeds to ask what God looks like, I have the unenviable task of trying to explain to a four-year-old that we cannot see God.
I can relate to Caleb's confusion in this matter, as I have also struggled with God's invisible presence. Most of the time, I am confident of His presence, but I still have questions. Over the past twelve months, I have personally known three different families who were told that their babies would likely be born with serious health problems, and miraculously, all three of them were born healthy.
I am thrilled for these families and encouraged to see the hand of God in their lives. But each and every time, I am left wondering, "Why not me? Why not my baby? Where were you, God?" I have been offered several possible answers to these questions, but in the end, no answer takes away the deep pain of the reality that I am here, and my baby boy is not.
In His grace, God has chosen to bless us with a fourth child, a baby girl. She is not a replacement, but she is a gift, and I am praying that her presence will bring tremendous healing to our family. It is hard to believe that she will be here in just a few short days. Tom and I did not have any trouble choosing a name for her, as we had decided upon a girl name over eight years ago. Her name is Esther.
This pregnancy has been difficult and filled with moments of doubt. "Will this baby be healthy? Will we really get to bring her home from the hospital?" Many have offered me words of comfort and encouragement, but no one can make me any guarantees. My only guarantee is Christ. I must choose to lay down my fear and trust that whatever the outcome, I have a God who has come near to me by the blood of Jesus. “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ” (Eph. 2:13).
I find it intriguing that the only book in the Bible from which the name of God is missing is the book of Esther. As John Piper put it, "The absence of God's name in the book of Esther means: God is invisibly present and ruling in your life, as in this story."
The gift of Esther is a beautiful reminder of how God is weaving together His story in our lives through His "invisible presence."
