Our Star

It is with great joy and thankful hearts that we announce the birth of our precious daughter, Esther Alicia Watson. Our "star" (the literal meaning of Esther) was born on September 29 at 11:52 a.m., weighing 6 lbs., 10 oz., and measuring 19.5 inches. She is perfect and beautiful in every way, and we are overwhelmed by God's gracious gift to us.

Just moments after her entrance into the world, she is bright-eyed and attentive to her mommy.

Adoring brothers can't keep their eyes off of her ...

and mommy and daddy are absolutely thrilled to bring her home from the hospital.

Is she precious or what?

Invisible Presence

Whenever Caleb sees a picture of an image that resembles God in his mind, he points to it and says, "That's God." Every time this happens, I have to tell him that the picture is not God, and when he proceeds to ask what God looks like, I have the unenviable task of trying to explain to a four-year-old that we cannot see God.

I can relate to Caleb's confusion in this matter, as I have also struggled with God's invisible presence. Most of the time, I am confident of His presence, but I still have questions. Over the past twelve months, I have personally known three different families who were told that their babies would likely be born with serious health problems, and miraculously, all three of them were born healthy.

I am thrilled for these families and encouraged to see the hand of God in their lives. But each and every time, I am left wondering, "Why not me? Why not my baby? Where were you, God?" I have been offered several possible answers to these questions, but in the end, no answer takes away the deep pain of the reality that I am here, and my baby boy is not.

In His grace, God has chosen to bless us with a fourth child, a baby girl. She is not a replacement, but she is a gift, and I am praying that her presence will bring tremendous healing to our family. It is hard to believe that she will be here in just a few short days. Tom and I did not have any trouble choosing a name for her, as we had decided upon a girl name over eight years ago. Her name is Esther.

This pregnancy has been difficult and filled with moments of doubt. "Will this baby be healthy? Will we really get to bring her home from the hospital?" Many have offered me words of comfort and encouragement, but no one can make me any guarantees. My only guarantee is Christ. I must choose to lay down my fear and trust that whatever the outcome, I have a God who has come near to me by the blood of Jesus. “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ” (Eph. 2:13).

I find it intriguing that the only book in the Bible from which the name of God is missing is the book of Esther. As John Piper put it, "The absence of God's name in the book of Esther means: God is invisibly present and ruling in your life, as in this story."

The gift of Esther is a beautiful reminder of how God is weaving together His story in our lives through His "invisible presence."

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

This is the only hymn that I wanted to sing at David's funeral. While there were plenty of other hymns to choose from, no other song seemed appropriate. I did not feel "Amazing Grace" or that it was "Well with my Soul." I could, however, say with confidence that God is faithful yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

And He has been faithful.

Over the past 15 months, He has continued to display His great faithfulness to our family. Although there are more ways that I can recount, I would like to share just one, which involves the story that He is writing in our son Benjamin's life.

In January 2010, Tom and I began to believe God for a miracle in David's life, and we both felt lead to involve our children in asking God to do the impossible. We did not go into this blindly. We knew that God might not choose to heal David, and we knew that this could potentially have a devastating effect on the fragile faith of our children. We also knew that we had to obey, and the results were in God's hands.

So, we prayed. Again and again, our family went before God Almighty in prayer, and we begged Him to heal our son and brother. We went before the elders of our church, and they prayed over us and anointed us with oil in the name of the Lord (James 5). And on that day, our pastor read from Daniel 3.

And Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said to King Nebuchadnezzar, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

And shortly thereafter, the time came for us to lay our "Isaac" at the altar of God. We did not know what the outcome would be, but we knew that the Lord would provide (Genesis 22:14). And He did provide, just not in the way we expected Him to.

In March of this year, the one-year anniversary of David's birth and death, our church gave us a children's Bible for the boys. We already had one, but for some reason this Bible was special. Benjamin brought it home and read it from cover to cover in two weeks. Then, he read it again ... four more times. And when asked to recount his very favorite story, he told the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3.

Amazing.

On his own initiative, Benjamin has continued to read the Bible almost every night. A couple of weeks ago, Tom read Benjamin the story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22, and Benjamin asked how Abraham heard God speak to him. Tom explained that God gives His Holy Spirit to His children, and God speaks to His children through His Spirit. Benjamin told Tom that he wanted to become a child of God. And on that very night, Benjamin confessed his sin to God and professed his faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ. Benjamin was born again (John 3).

I do not think that it is a coincidence that Benjamin's favorite Bible story is in Daniel 3, nor do I think that it is mere chance that Benjamin was born into the family of God after hearing the story in Genesis 22. I am convinced that God used our prayers offered in faith for David's healing to begin a miraculous work of faith in Benjamin's life.

God works in mysterious ways. His ways are not our ways, but He is good, and He knows what He is doing. In the darkest days of life, and even in death, He is planting seeds that will spring forth new life, and the life that He gives can never be taken away.

Great is His faithfulness.

The Big Reveal

We are rejoicing today after a wonderful report from our 20-week ultrasound. Baby #4 looked healthy in every way, and all of the measurements were right on track with my due date. We are so grateful for this gift from God!

And ... much to our surprise after having 3 boys in a row ... we could hardly believe it when the ultrasound tech said ...


We decided to share the news with our boys by ordering a very special cake. We asked the bakery to ice the inside of the cake "blue for boy" or "pink for girl." The boys enjoyed cutting into the cake to discover the color inside.

Benjamin did not seem too surprised to find pink icing inside the cake. He said that he thought it was a girl. Caleb, on the other hand, was (and still is) convinced that the baby is a boy. Even though we told him several times last night that the baby is a girl, he still says that "bay-bay" is a boy, not a "grill."

Hmmm .... this should be interesting. Since Caleb is not too fond of "grills," this news of a sister is going to take a while for him to absorb. But that's ok. I'm sure that he will adjust, sooner or later. :-)

We are so thrilled that God has chosen to bless us with a fourth child ... and our very first baby girl!

A New Resident

Remember this picture?

I still have it saved as the background on my desktop. It is worth more to me than the world's most coveted painting.

Well, Tom and I are delighted to announce that a new resident has moved into the house. We are expecting our fourth child this October 5, and we are absolutely thrilled!

This pregnancy has been a difficult journey from the start, and there are days when I am filled with apprehension over all of the "what ifs." I am truly walking this out one day at a time, thanking God for every kick and wiggle along the way.

And I am learning to trust God a little more each day.

Please be in prayer for our family as we approach the 20-week ultrasound next week. This is a big milestone for us, as it is the appointment where we were told the devastating news about David's prognosis.

Thank you for your faithful prayers! Will keep you posted ...

Lent

Today is Good Friday. A day of death. It is the day that "darkness came over all the land," a representation of what this season of Lent has felt like to me.

I intended to observe Lent this year by giving up my quest for interior redesign. But, when I woke up on Ash Wednesday, I began to learn that God had plans for me to give up something much bigger than dreams of a home makeover. On the morning of March 9, as I was doing my daily Bible reading, I came upon the story of Elisha and the Shunammite woman in II Kings 4:8-36. The Shunammite woman had no son.

“About this time next year,” Elisha said, “you will hold a son in your
arms.”

“No, my lord!” she objected. “Please, man of God, don’t mislead your servant!” But the woman became pregnant, and the next year about that same time she gave birth to a son, just as Elisha had told her.

Several years later, the boy died in his mother's arms. She immediately lay the boy down and called to her husband saying, “Please send me one of the servants and a donkey so I can go to the man of God quickly and return.”

So she set out and came to the man of God at Mount Carmel. When she reached the man of God at the mountain, she took hold of his feet. Gehazi came over to push her away, but the man of God said, “Leave her alone! She is in bitter distress, but the LORD has hidden it from me and has not told me why.”

“Did I ask you for a son, my lord?” she said. “Didn’t I tell you, ‘Don’t raise my hopes’?”

So, Elisha followed the woman to her house, and he raised her dead son to life by the power of God.

Well, that sounded like a strangely familiar story, except for the part about the dead son being raised to life. I cannot tell you how many times I have said to God, “Did I ask you for a son, my Lord? Why would you grant me a child for whom I never asked, only to let him die in my arms?”

Later that Wednesday, a friend told me that she had recently heard a devotional that reminded her of me. I bet you can't guess what it was about.

Yep, you guessed it! Elisha and the Shunammite woman. This season of Lent was beginning much differently than I had planned. God was trying to get my attention in a big way.

So, what was I to make of all of this? Was I the Shunammite woman? If so, what exactly did God want from me? He had already taken David. What more did He want?

I began to feel like the rich man who came to Jesus asking, "What good thing must I do to obtain eternal life?” It was as if Jesus himself was looking right at me and saying, "If you wish to be complete, [give your children to me], and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." And I was full of grief because I did not think that I could give Jesus what He was asking me to give. Matthew 19:16-22.

You see, for me, it was not really my material possessions that I was idolizing, but my children. And who, but God himself, was going to chastise me for idolizing my children? Probably no one.

I began to realize that I had become a hoarder of blessings, namely my boys. I had been holding on to my children with fists clenched tight, begging God not to take them from me. Just like the Shunammite woman, I had been crying out to God, “No, my Lord! Please don’t disappoint me!”

I was believing a lie.

I had been telling myself that I could not have joy if God ever chose to take these blessings from me. I did not believe that every river that needed to flow for the joy of my soul would flow from Jesus. I did not trust that I would never, ever have to look anywhere else because His rivers are as many as the soul needs that I have. ~John Piper

And so, this Easter, my fists are beginning to open. With God's help, I am opening my hands to release my will to receive His. I am learning to trust that the water He has given will never dry up, for He is the source of endless streams.

And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
Isaiah 58:11

"If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'"
John 7:37–38

Final LIFE Day Recap

David’s first birthday was filled with mixed emotions for us. We were thankful for the opportunity to celebrate his life in an eternal way by “setting our minds on things above;” yet we were sad to think of all of the memories that we never had the chance to make with him here on earth.

During the day, I thought a lot about Benjamin and Caleb’s first birthdays. I remembered how Benjamin cried when he dug his hands into his first birthday cake because he did not like the icing all over his hands. Caleb, on the other hand, dug into his cake with heart and soul. We have the cutest pictures of him with icing all over his body. For some reason, the thought of David making a mess of his birthday cake really hit me hard, and I missed him deeply.


We received the sweetest card from a dear friend. It is the same friend who wrote to us 17 months ago, "I have been lifting you and your son before the Throne of our Almighty God and Father. He is truly the Father of all compassion and also the worker of miracles. As I prayed for your precious son according to Psalm 139, I sensed Him telling me to pray for him 'by name'."

Providentially, the card she sent for David's 1st birthday said, “As I turned my calendar from February to March this morning, on March 1, it was written ‘St. David’s Day.’ I smiled at the sovereignty of God.” God never ceases to amaze me with His involvement in the smallest details of our lives.

Tom and I have been incredibly blessed by the outpouring of love from so many of you who remembered David with us on his birthday. We continue receive messages from people who joined us in honoring David’s LIFE, and we have loved reading each and every story. For this recap, we would like to share some of the things that our family did to remember David on his first birthday.

Compassionate Hearts
Our family supports Vijiji Projects (a children’s home in Kenya) on a regular basis, but we wanted to go beyond our regular giving to meet an urgent need. The home has 30 children and 2 bathrooms, one of which is an outhouse that is in need of cleaning out. Who would have thought that cleaning a toilet in David’s honor could make such a difference?


In addition to helping Vijiji, Tom was able to help a friend who is going through a difficult time with a bathroom project. Also, Benjamin and Caleb made cards for their great-grandparents.


Patience
I tend to have a difficult time during the day just spending uninterrupted time with my family. It seems that a "to-do" list is forever forming in my mind with things that need to be done around the house, at work, etc. To honor David, my lists were suspended, and my family received the uninterrupted time they deserved.

Bearing with one another
There is a baby boy named Asa who who visited this earth for a short time at the beginning of last year, and he is buried very close to David. In memory of David and Asa, we took dinner to Asa's family, and Benjamin and Caleb picked out a birthday present for his twin brother Luke who recently celebrated his first birthday.


A Couple of Other Things
We sent cards to a some families who also lost babies, and we mailed a gift card to pay for dinner for neighbor of a friend who has been experiencing seizures and has four young children.