The Gift of Hope

Most people think of hiccups as an annoyance. To me, hiccups are a sign of life and hope.

Babies in utero breathe and swallow amniotic fluid. This is part of normal development. For weeks, the doctors have told me that David could stop swallowing fluid at any time because his small chest may restrict him from doing so. If he stops swallowing fluid, then excess fluid will build up, which will likely result in his early birth.

When David hiccups, I am reassured that he is still swallowing fluid. The longer that he continues to swallow fluid, the longer that I can carry him! Sometimes, several days go by without my noticing any hiccups, and I start to worry that he may no longer be swallowing. Then, out of the blue, he starts hiccuping again, and I thank God that He has given us more time together.

Every time that I see another ultrasound, I am reminded again that David’s chest is extremely small, restricting the development of his lungs. The irony of it all is that he is completely viable in my womb because I am able to supply him with all of the oxygen that he needs. Theoretically, he could live inside of me indefinitely, and I sometimes wish that this were possible.

My emotions have ranged greatly during the past 12 weeks. At the beginning, I wanted all of this to end as quickly as possible. Then, as time passed, I slowly began to appreciate the time that God has given me to carry David, though it may be short. Many well-meaning people have told me that they are “praying for a miracle,” and I usually respond that the “miracle” may not be physical healing. So far, I have not seen any evidence of physical healing.

It may sound strange, but for a while I was not even open to the possibility of David’s physical healing. The thought of his death was painfully difficult to bear, but somehow accepting this reality was more bearable than hoping for a physical miracle. I guess that I was afraid of disappointment. However, I am reminded that “hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.” Romans 5:5.

I can now say that the Holy Spirit of God has granted me the ability to hope, not necessarily in a miraculous healing for David, but the ability to open my heart to whatever God wants to do in this situation. Certainly, He is able to miraculously heal David, and I should not dismiss this possibility in order to protect myself from disappointment. You see, my Father has shown me that I can trust Him with my heart because He will not disappoint.

My Father knows how fragile my heart is, so I do not have to be afraid of trusting Him with it. I can hope for miracles, knowing that My God is able. He is able to change David’s prognosis by simply speaking the word. Just as He spoke all of creation into being, He can speak life into this precious child.

This is not a “name it and claim it” theology whereby one can attain miracles by having “enough” faith. I believe that true faith is quite opposite to a “name it and claim it” theology. True faith is to believe in God’s goodness, His plan and His provision no matter how dim the outlook may seem. True faith is to walk by faith and not by sight. True faith believes in God’s ability to redeem any situation, for “without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6.

So, by the grace of God, I will continue to hope in Him each day, and I will cherish every hiccup knowing that it is a gift from God.