One Incredible Year

2011 was quite a year, and I can honestly say, one of the most amazing years of my life so far.

It was a breath of fresh air when the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2011. After losing David in 2010, I needed new hope, and I prayed that the new year would bring it.

January brought us a southern snow storm. We had so much fun being housebound and playing in the snow for 5 whole days!

February gave us news that we were expecting another baby. We were incredibly excited about this blessing, but at times, afraid to hope again.

March was a celebration of David's birthday, and a beautiful tribute to the tremendous impact of David Nathaniel's life.

April was a season of Lent and learning to trust again.

May delivered the report that our baby GIRL was healthy and strong! Oh what glorious news!

June was the month that Benjamin celebrated his spiritual birthday, and Tommy and I rejoiced in God's faithfulness.

July was filled with birthdays and summer fun.

August ushered in family vacation and Caleb's first trip to the ocean.

September was the month of Esther's birth. What a glorious gift she has been to our family!

The first day of October was the day that we brought our baby girl home from the hospital and remembered our David Nathaniel.

November was month #2 of LOVING life with our new gift.

December was the month that I officially became a stay-at-home-mommy. What a blessing and a challenge this has been for me.

I pray that 2012 will continue to bring new levels of growth, healing and joy; however, I cannot say goodbye to 2011 without taking a moment to thank each one of you who visit, subscribe, read and comment on my blog. It means more than you know.

And finally, I would like to publicly thank my Heavenly Father for the abundant grace that He has shown to us. I look forward to seeing what the new year holds and what He will do in 2012.

Coming Home

Five weeks ago, we came home from the hospital. As I sat in the wheelchair to leave the hospital and the nurse handed me our baby girl, I was suddenly overcome with grief. Although I was holding a living, breathing baby in my arms, I could not help but remember my experience in that wheelchair just 18 months ago.

This time, we stopped by the front desk to remove our baby's security bracelet...last time, there was no security bracelet to remove because nobody wants to kidnap a dead baby. This time, I got wheeled out the front door...last time, I got wheeled out the back door. This time, the nurse made sure we had a car seat and that our baby was safe and secure for the ride home...last time, we met the undertaker at the back door, and there was no car seat, just a tiny casket.

One never knows when the dam of grief will break, but when it does, there is no use trying to hold it back. So, I cried all the way home from the hospital, and carefully evaded the barrage of cameras upon our arrival home. So much for a happy homecoming.

Later that afternoon, I received an email entitled "David Nathaniel" from a man in India. This man told me that he had a son who had been born just hours after Esther. He explained to me that he had been searching the internet for a Biblical name for his son. While searching, he came across the name "Nathaniel" on a Christian baby name site, and he immediately liked it.

He liked the names "Nathaniel David" and "David Nathaniel" because they sounded "majestic, lovely, and unique," and when he typed the name "David Nathaniel" into Google, he discovered my blog. He closed his email by stating, "If the thought that a baby somewhere in the world is going to be named 'David Nathaniel' gives you any comfort, I hope it does, I will be happy for you."

I was blown away. I could scarcely believe that on that very day, the day that my David Nathaniel would have celebrated his 18-month birthday and the day that we brought our Esther home from the hospital, God had impressed the name "David Nathaniel" upon a man's heart halfway across the globe, and God caused this man to find my blog and contact me.

Amazing love.

In that moment, my sorrow was overcome by God's immeasurable love for me. I was overwhelmed by the thought that my Father God would go to such great lengths to show His love to me, to comfort me, and to let me know that my David Nathaniel had not been forgotten. My God is the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, and He is more than just these things by title. He is these things to me. Isaiah 9:6.

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power...to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19.

Our Star

It is with great joy and thankful hearts that we announce the birth of our precious daughter, Esther Alicia Watson. Our "star" (the literal meaning of Esther) was born on September 29 at 11:52 a.m., weighing 6 lbs., 10 oz., and measuring 19.5 inches. She is perfect and beautiful in every way, and we are overwhelmed by God's gracious gift to us.

Just moments after her entrance into the world, she is bright-eyed and attentive to her mommy.

Adoring brothers can't keep their eyes off of her ...

and mommy and daddy are absolutely thrilled to bring her home from the hospital.

Is she precious or what?

Invisible Presence

Whenever Caleb sees a picture of an image that resembles God in his mind, he points to it and says, "That's God." Every time this happens, I have to tell him that the picture is not God, and when he proceeds to ask what God looks like, I have the unenviable task of trying to explain to a four-year-old that we cannot see God.

I can relate to Caleb's confusion in this matter, as I have also struggled with God's invisible presence. Most of the time, I am confident of His presence, but I still have questions. Over the past twelve months, I have personally known three different families who were told that their babies would likely be born with serious health problems, and miraculously, all three of them were born healthy.

I am thrilled for these families and encouraged to see the hand of God in their lives. But each and every time, I am left wondering, "Why not me? Why not my baby? Where were you, God?" I have been offered several possible answers to these questions, but in the end, no answer takes away the deep pain of the reality that I am here, and my baby boy is not.

In His grace, God has chosen to bless us with a fourth child, a baby girl. She is not a replacement, but she is a gift, and I am praying that her presence will bring tremendous healing to our family. It is hard to believe that she will be here in just a few short days. Tom and I did not have any trouble choosing a name for her, as we had decided upon a girl name over eight years ago. Her name is Esther.

This pregnancy has been difficult and filled with moments of doubt. "Will this baby be healthy? Will we really get to bring her home from the hospital?" Many have offered me words of comfort and encouragement, but no one can make me any guarantees. My only guarantee is Christ. I must choose to lay down my fear and trust that whatever the outcome, I have a God who has come near to me by the blood of Jesus. “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ” (Eph. 2:13).

I find it intriguing that the only book in the Bible from which the name of God is missing is the book of Esther. As John Piper put it, "The absence of God's name in the book of Esther means: God is invisibly present and ruling in your life, as in this story."

The gift of Esther is a beautiful reminder of how God is weaving together His story in our lives through His "invisible presence."

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

This is the only hymn that I wanted to sing at David's funeral. While there were plenty of other hymns to choose from, no other song seemed appropriate. I did not feel "Amazing Grace" or that it was "Well with my Soul." I could, however, say with confidence that God is faithful yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

And He has been faithful.

Over the past 15 months, He has continued to display His great faithfulness to our family. Although there are more ways that I can recount, I would like to share just one, which involves the story that He is writing in our son Benjamin's life.

In January 2010, Tom and I began to believe God for a miracle in David's life, and we both felt lead to involve our children in asking God to do the impossible. We did not go into this blindly. We knew that God might not choose to heal David, and we knew that this could potentially have a devastating effect on the fragile faith of our children. We also knew that we had to obey, and the results were in God's hands.

So, we prayed. Again and again, our family went before God Almighty in prayer, and we begged Him to heal our son and brother. We went before the elders of our church, and they prayed over us and anointed us with oil in the name of the Lord (James 5). And on that day, our pastor read from Daniel 3.

And Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said to King Nebuchadnezzar, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

And shortly thereafter, the time came for us to lay our "Isaac" at the altar of God. We did not know what the outcome would be, but we knew that the Lord would provide (Genesis 22:14). And He did provide, just not in the way we expected Him to.

In March of this year, the one-year anniversary of David's birth and death, our church gave us a children's Bible for the boys. We already had one, but for some reason this Bible was special. Benjamin brought it home and read it from cover to cover in two weeks. Then, he read it again ... four more times. And when asked to recount his very favorite story, he told the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3.

Amazing.

On his own initiative, Benjamin has continued to read the Bible almost every night. A couple of weeks ago, Tom read Benjamin the story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22, and Benjamin asked how Abraham heard God speak to him. Tom explained that God gives His Holy Spirit to His children, and God speaks to His children through His Spirit. Benjamin told Tom that he wanted to become a child of God. And on that very night, Benjamin confessed his sin to God and professed his faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ. Benjamin was born again (John 3).

I do not think that it is a coincidence that Benjamin's favorite Bible story is in Daniel 3, nor do I think that it is mere chance that Benjamin was born into the family of God after hearing the story in Genesis 22. I am convinced that God used our prayers offered in faith for David's healing to begin a miraculous work of faith in Benjamin's life.

God works in mysterious ways. His ways are not our ways, but He is good, and He knows what He is doing. In the darkest days of life, and even in death, He is planting seeds that will spring forth new life, and the life that He gives can never be taken away.

Great is His faithfulness.

The Big Reveal

We are rejoicing today after a wonderful report from our 20-week ultrasound. Baby #4 looked healthy in every way, and all of the measurements were right on track with my due date. We are so grateful for this gift from God!

And ... much to our surprise after having 3 boys in a row ... we could hardly believe it when the ultrasound tech said ...


We decided to share the news with our boys by ordering a very special cake. We asked the bakery to ice the inside of the cake "blue for boy" or "pink for girl." The boys enjoyed cutting into the cake to discover the color inside.

Benjamin did not seem too surprised to find pink icing inside the cake. He said that he thought it was a girl. Caleb, on the other hand, was (and still is) convinced that the baby is a boy. Even though we told him several times last night that the baby is a girl, he still says that "bay-bay" is a boy, not a "grill."

Hmmm .... this should be interesting. Since Caleb is not too fond of "grills," this news of a sister is going to take a while for him to absorb. But that's ok. I'm sure that he will adjust, sooner or later. :-)

We are so thrilled that God has chosen to bless us with a fourth child ... and our very first baby girl!

A New Resident

Remember this picture?

I still have it saved as the background on my desktop. It is worth more to me than the world's most coveted painting.

Well, Tom and I are delighted to announce that a new resident has moved into the house. We are expecting our fourth child this October 5, and we are absolutely thrilled!

This pregnancy has been a difficult journey from the start, and there are days when I am filled with apprehension over all of the "what ifs." I am truly walking this out one day at a time, thanking God for every kick and wiggle along the way.

And I am learning to trust God a little more each day.

Please be in prayer for our family as we approach the 20-week ultrasound next week. This is a big milestone for us, as it is the appointment where we were told the devastating news about David's prognosis.

Thank you for your faithful prayers! Will keep you posted ...