It is difficult to believe that my due date is only a few days away. In a very short time, David will be born, and a new journey will begin. It is hard for me to imagine what this new journey will look like. I guess that part of me is grateful that God does not allow me to know His plans for tomorrow because I am not sure that I want to know. I rest solely on the promise that His plans for me are good (Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28).
I do not feel ready to “let go and let God”, but I realize that the time has come for me to lay my Isaac (literally my David) on the altar. No one can do this for me – I must do it myself. Just as Abraham told Isaac on their journey to the altar, so I must remember, “The Lord will provide” (Genesis 22:8). I do not know what His provision will look like or how it will come. I only know that His promises are true, so I embrace them by faith. Tommy and I have not lacked God’s provision in any way along this journey, and we will not lack His provision when David is born. We have learned in very tangible ways over the past few months that "God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supplies." ~ Hudson Taylor
When we needed good medical insurance to cover the cost of visits to specialists, ultrasounds and genetic testing, God provided. When Tommy finished his seminary classes and needed a full-time job, God provided. When we deeply needed our brothers and sisters in Christ to cover us in prayer and to love us in word and deed, God provided. He has provided for us in so many ways, and His provision has consistently been more than enough.
During communion at church this past Sunday, I was reminded that Jesus not only provides our daily bread, He is our daily bread. He is not just a means to an end – He is the end. He is the bread of life and the living water. When He fed the five thousand with five loaves and two fish, the disciples filled twelve baskets with the pieces left over by those who had eaten – one basket for each disciple – a symbolic reminder to each one of them that Jesus provides and that His provision is more than enough (John 6:13).
As I come to lay my Isaac at the altar, I choose to embrace the truth that having Jesus by my side is enough – period. I realize now that the point of this journey has not been that Jesus will provide me with what I think will satisfy my thirst. The point is that Jesus Himself satisfies my thirst, and the water that He supplies in Himself is a spring of water welling up to eternal life (John 4:14). “And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (John 17:3).
I know that Jesus is intimately concerned with meeting my temporal physical and emotional needs. He has proven this to be true. How much more, then, is He concerned about meeting my eternal needs? He is using this light momentary affliction to prepare for me “an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” So, I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. “For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal”(II Corinthians 4:17-18).
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
To My Valentine
I’ve hijacked my valentine’s blog to honor her with a letter of encouragement, respect, and love.
Reference:
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. Proverbs 31:25
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also... Proverbs 31:28
Rachael,
I’ve thought about what I should say to you this Valentine’s Day and Proverbs 31:25 seemed to me an appropriate verse for this year. Your body has changed over the last 8 months and the new clothes you’ve had to wear seem to all be made with the same interwoven fabrics: strength and dignity. The weight of circumstances you have faced in the last few months would make grown men crumble to their knees, but you, my dear, are strong. The aura of dignity that goes before you has strengthened my faith and the faith of so many others. As we portray a certain image by the clothes we wear I have to say that your fashion is heavenly.
The future is something mysterious because we have no control over it and we do not know if tomorrow will bring joy or sorrow. The next few weeks will bring some of the most difficult circumstances of our lives but whether they are filled with joy or sorrow I see a smile on your face. This isn’t a shallow or pretend smile that just thinks everything is going to be alright. This isn’t a smile that is detached from the reality of suffering. Your smile is different. You smile at the uncertainty of the future that would press upon you fear, anxiety, and hopelessness. You smile at this because you are grounded in the steadfast love of our God.
Your strength, dignity, and hope in the steadfast love of God causes your family to rise up and call you blessed.
Love- Tommy, Benjamin, Caleb, and David
Reference:
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. Proverbs 31:25
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also... Proverbs 31:28
Rachael,
I’ve thought about what I should say to you this Valentine’s Day and Proverbs 31:25 seemed to me an appropriate verse for this year. Your body has changed over the last 8 months and the new clothes you’ve had to wear seem to all be made with the same interwoven fabrics: strength and dignity. The weight of circumstances you have faced in the last few months would make grown men crumble to their knees, but you, my dear, are strong. The aura of dignity that goes before you has strengthened my faith and the faith of so many others. As we portray a certain image by the clothes we wear I have to say that your fashion is heavenly.
The future is something mysterious because we have no control over it and we do not know if tomorrow will bring joy or sorrow. The next few weeks will bring some of the most difficult circumstances of our lives but whether they are filled with joy or sorrow I see a smile on your face. This isn’t a shallow or pretend smile that just thinks everything is going to be alright. This isn’t a smile that is detached from the reality of suffering. Your smile is different. You smile at the uncertainty of the future that would press upon you fear, anxiety, and hopelessness. You smile at this because you are grounded in the steadfast love of our God.
Your strength, dignity, and hope in the steadfast love of God causes your family to rise up and call you blessed.
Love- Tommy, Benjamin, Caleb, and David
Monday, February 8, 2010
Instrument of Glory
On Friday we received the long-awaited results of my amniocentesis. The testing process took weeks to complete. Only two labs in the entire country have the capability of testing cells for the rare condition for which David was diagnosed. The results indicated that David has osteogenesis imperfecta, which is characterized by a mutation in collagen – a building block of bones. There at least 8 known types of OI, and apparently, David’s particular mutation is one-of-a kind. The laboratory said that they had never seen it before.
As I lay in bed Friday night, I began to reminisce about the journey through which God has brought us. It all started one fateful Saturday in June while Tommy was in Kenya. That morning I walked in and out of three drug stores before I got up the nerve to buy a pregnancy test. With the test in hand, I drove the kids to McDonald’s where I went to the bathroom and discovered the news that we were expecting our third baby. As Benjamin and Caleb blissfully played on the playground, I sat and stared at the wall in total shock.
Since Tommy was in a remote part of a third-world country, I had no way of reaching him other than by email. Admittedly, I was not initially happy about the unexpected news, so I decided to inform him by sending him a one-word email, “Congratulations.” It was three days before he got the message to which he replied, “Congratulations for what?” “Your new baby,” was my only response. Again, it was several days before I heard back from him. We were thousands of miles apart, unable to have a meaningful conversation about the information that would change our lives forever.
The rest of the story is history. When we went in for our routine, 20-week ultrasound in early October to find out if we were having a boy or a girl, we discovered that something was terribly wrong. Our baby boy had a lethal bone disease, and there was nothing that could be done about it. This discovery sent us into a whirlwind of emotion and confusion.
The further along that we get on this journey, the less sense it seems to make. What is God doing? It defies all human rationale. Why would God cause an unexpected pregnancy in order to create a baby with a rare genetic mutation – indeed so rare that it is is unique only to him? I know that we are all one-of-a-kind, but this is taking it to a whole new level. In the midst of all of my questions, I am left with only one clear answer: David was uniquely created by God to be an instrument for His glory.
When Tommy and I went before the elders of our church early Sunday morning for prayer in accordance with James chapter 5, we were reminded of how Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were instruments for God’s glory. When they refused to worship King Nebuchadnezzar’s gods, they were threatened with death by burning. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." Daniel 3:16-18.
The three men were bound and thrown into the fiery furnace, but the fire did not have any power over their bodies. The hair of their heads was not singed, their cloaks were not harmed, and no smell of fire came upon them. Nebuchadnezzar answered and said, "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who has sent his angel and delivered his servants, who trusted in him, and set aside the king’s command, and yielded up their bodies rather than serve and worship any god except their own God.” Daniel 3:28. Hearing this story again reminded me of a childhood song entitled “God is Able.”
Therefore, Tommy and I come boldly before the throne of grace and proclaim with confidence, “The God whom we serve is able!” We stand resolutely on God’s Word during this time, for all of our hope is in Christ alone. The God who created all things can deliver David from the hand of death, so we stand firm, believing in faith, for all things are possible to him who believes. But, even if God chooses not to deliver David, we stand firm in the promise that He will fill our hearts with all joy and peace as we trust in Him, so that we may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13.
Whether through our suffering or through his healing, David Nathaniel is an instrument for God’s glory.
As I lay in bed Friday night, I began to reminisce about the journey through which God has brought us. It all started one fateful Saturday in June while Tommy was in Kenya. That morning I walked in and out of three drug stores before I got up the nerve to buy a pregnancy test. With the test in hand, I drove the kids to McDonald’s where I went to the bathroom and discovered the news that we were expecting our third baby. As Benjamin and Caleb blissfully played on the playground, I sat and stared at the wall in total shock.
Since Tommy was in a remote part of a third-world country, I had no way of reaching him other than by email. Admittedly, I was not initially happy about the unexpected news, so I decided to inform him by sending him a one-word email, “Congratulations.” It was three days before he got the message to which he replied, “Congratulations for what?” “Your new baby,” was my only response. Again, it was several days before I heard back from him. We were thousands of miles apart, unable to have a meaningful conversation about the information that would change our lives forever.
The rest of the story is history. When we went in for our routine, 20-week ultrasound in early October to find out if we were having a boy or a girl, we discovered that something was terribly wrong. Our baby boy had a lethal bone disease, and there was nothing that could be done about it. This discovery sent us into a whirlwind of emotion and confusion.
The further along that we get on this journey, the less sense it seems to make. What is God doing? It defies all human rationale. Why would God cause an unexpected pregnancy in order to create a baby with a rare genetic mutation – indeed so rare that it is is unique only to him? I know that we are all one-of-a-kind, but this is taking it to a whole new level. In the midst of all of my questions, I am left with only one clear answer: David was uniquely created by God to be an instrument for His glory.
When Tommy and I went before the elders of our church early Sunday morning for prayer in accordance with James chapter 5, we were reminded of how Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were instruments for God’s glory. When they refused to worship King Nebuchadnezzar’s gods, they were threatened with death by burning. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." Daniel 3:16-18.
The three men were bound and thrown into the fiery furnace, but the fire did not have any power over their bodies. The hair of their heads was not singed, their cloaks were not harmed, and no smell of fire came upon them. Nebuchadnezzar answered and said, "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who has sent his angel and delivered his servants, who trusted in him, and set aside the king’s command, and yielded up their bodies rather than serve and worship any god except their own God.” Daniel 3:28. Hearing this story again reminded me of a childhood song entitled “God is Able.”
Therefore, Tommy and I come boldly before the throne of grace and proclaim with confidence, “The God whom we serve is able!” We stand resolutely on God’s Word during this time, for all of our hope is in Christ alone. The God who created all things can deliver David from the hand of death, so we stand firm, believing in faith, for all things are possible to him who believes. But, even if God chooses not to deliver David, we stand firm in the promise that He will fill our hearts with all joy and peace as we trust in Him, so that we may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13.
Whether through our suffering or through his healing, David Nathaniel is an instrument for God’s glory.
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