Mercy and Compassion

Seven months ago, Esther came into this world and into our home. Words cannot express the tremendous joy and healing that she has brought to our family. Though I will always miss David, I thank God that my arms are not empty anymore.

This time last year, I could barely be in the same room with a baby, let alone hold one. I forced myself to hold two babies between David and Esther. While both of these sweet babies are very special to me, holding them in my arms felt completely unnatural. Though I was a mother of three, the deep pain inside my heart suffocated my motherly instinct.

As I remember these moments of heartache, I can hardly believe that they took place just last year. The transformation that my heart has undergone in the last seven months amazes me. I am incredibly grateful to my Heavenly Father who is full of compassion and mercy (James 5:11). I want to shout from the rooftops, "Hallelujah, God is so good!"

If it were not for the loss of David, I do not know if I would have decided to leave my job to stay at home with my kids. And though raising three little ones is a challenging and exhausting task, there is no job in the world that I would rather have. Every moment and every memory is precious, and that sweet baby girl is healing balm to my heart.

God's ways and His plans continue to be a mystery to me, but His steadfast love is undeniable.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall...Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness...Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love (Lamentations 3:19-32).

If you find yourself in the deep, dark night of suffering right now, do not despair. Joy will come in the morning. He will turn your wailing into dancing. He will remove your sackcloth and clothe you with joy (Psalm 30:11). He will bring healing to your heart that you never dreamed possible.

I know because that's exactly what He has done for me.

2012 L.I.F.E. Day Recap

The days surrounding David's birthday were difficult.  The feeling of sadness was tough to shake as we remembered our short time here with David.  While we celebrated the hours of his life, we mourned the years that will never come to pass.

Our L.I.F.E. celebration brought a ray of sunshine to our week.  We made and delivered 264 cookies to our neighbors for David's birthday.  Each knock on the door was greeted with a different reaction...many smiles, a few looks of confusion, and a couple of questions as to whether we had recently moved into the neighborhood. All in all, our trip around the neighborhood was a success, and we hope it is the beginning of many new friendships.

Tom did a great job baking,

I did my best to make the packaging pretty,

and off we went to deliver the cookies.

Thank you to everyone who remembered our family during David's birthday week.  We were comforted and blessed by each phone call, email, and card that we received.

And special thanks to each friend and family member who participated in David's L.I.F.E. celebration:

• Aunt Jenny brought a meal to family at church who was welcoming home a new baby;

• Nina and Pawpaw shared cookies with their neighbors;

• Michelle made cupcakes for the NICU at the hospital where her twin sons were born;  

• Julie and Ben reached out to their neighbors and invited them to a party in celebration of Julie's baptism;

• Stacy celebrated David's life by blessing someone on his birthday;

• Marye spent special time with her grandsons;

• And several dear friends made donations to the David Nathaniel Giving Fund.

Second Annual LIFE Day

March 1, 2012

Second Annual David Nathaniel

LIFE (Leave an Impact for Eternity) Day

It is hard to believe that we will be celebrating David's 2nd birthday 10 days from now. Every time that I think of him or look at his picture, my heart longs to see him again. I am so thankful that one day, I will.

Over the next couple of weeks our family will be remembering David Nathaniel's small but powerful life by Leaving an Impact For Eternity (LIFE), and we welcome you to join us in our effort to bring LIFE to others.

Here are the details on how you can participate:

1. Sometime around David's birthday (March 1st), do something to Leave an Impact For Eternity (LIFE). It can be for a stranger, a friend, a family member, etc. You can do one thing, or several things. For some ideas, click here.

2. Come back to this blog and leave a comment letting us know how you celebrated David's birthday with us (tell us about your act of LIFE), or email me your act of LIFE along with a picture, if you have it.

The Biblical basis behind this idea is found in Colossians 3:12-14, which says, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

When we, as Christians, “put on” this type of life, we are inviting the world around us to live a new way, an eternal way. The invitation is not to embrace a new ethic but to embrace Jesus that offers this new life (Col 3:1). So, in celebration of David’s Nathaniel's LIFE Day, our goal is to “put on” this kingdom of God mindset so that we might leave an eternal impact. For more information, please click here.

This year, our family will be loving our neighbors as an act of LIFE. David's birthday, March 1, will mark the 10th anniversary of the day that we moved into our home. During our 10-year tenure in this neighborhood, we have failed in many ways to share the love of Jesus with our neighbors. However, we have repented from this and resolved to be obedient to our calling as followers of Christ.

As a first step, we are reaching out to our neighbors by bringing each family some homemade goodies and attaching a note explaining the reason behind the celebration of our son David's life.

If you would like to spread the word about our LIFE celebration, please feel free to copy our invitation at the top of this post and put it on your blog, or link this page to your Facebook or Twitter account. Thank you for remembering the life of our son, David Nathaniel, with us.

A Valentine's Tribute

Two years ago, my husband Tommy hijacked my blog and wrote me the sweetest Valentine, just two weeks before our son David was born. This year, it is my turn to return the favor.

Dear Tommy,

We have been through so much together over the last 12 years. Law school, seminary, job loss, and losing David. Statistics say that our marriage should be over, but I say that we are stronger than ever. By the grace of God, we have emerged from the deep valleys as the best of friends.

The bond that we share has come at a great cost. Though we should not have been surprised at our suffering (I Peter 4:12), we were. As the trials of this life closed in on us, the heat became almost unbearable. At times, it seemed as though we could not withstand the Refiner's fire (Malachi 3:2). The process of our sanctification together has been difficult and painful.

God's plan for our lives was not the path that we envisioned when we said our vows 12 years ago. But God, in His infinite wisdom and immeasurable love, ordained each day of our lives before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16). His kiss of affliction has made us what we are today.

Through it all, you became my rock and my safe haven. You led me with strength and tenderness. Your spiritual fortitude and unwavering hope in God nourished and strengthened my spirit. Thank you for recognizing the great importance of your role as my spiritual leader.

In my brokenness, I learned to lean on you, and you were faithful to hold me up. Thank you for loving me faithfully and sacrificially. Thank you for watering my soul with truth, cultivating God's work in my life, and honoring me as your wife and fellow heir of grace. You are truly a gift.

I love you,

Rachael

One Incredible Year

2011 was quite a year, and I can honestly say, one of the most amazing years of my life so far.

It was a breath of fresh air when the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2011. After losing David in 2010, I needed new hope, and I prayed that the new year would bring it.

January brought us a southern snow storm. We had so much fun being housebound and playing in the snow for 5 whole days!

February gave us news that we were expecting another baby. We were incredibly excited about this blessing, but at times, afraid to hope again.

March was a celebration of David's birthday, and a beautiful tribute to the tremendous impact of David Nathaniel's life.

April was a season of Lent and learning to trust again.

May delivered the report that our baby GIRL was healthy and strong! Oh what glorious news!

June was the month that Benjamin celebrated his spiritual birthday, and Tommy and I rejoiced in God's faithfulness.

July was filled with birthdays and summer fun.

August ushered in family vacation and Caleb's first trip to the ocean.

September was the month of Esther's birth. What a glorious gift she has been to our family!

The first day of October was the day that we brought our baby girl home from the hospital and remembered our David Nathaniel.

November was month #2 of LOVING life with our new gift.

December was the month that I officially became a stay-at-home-mommy. What a blessing and a challenge this has been for me.

I pray that 2012 will continue to bring new levels of growth, healing and joy; however, I cannot say goodbye to 2011 without taking a moment to thank each one of you who visit, subscribe, read and comment on my blog. It means more than you know.

And finally, I would like to publicly thank my Heavenly Father for the abundant grace that He has shown to us. I look forward to seeing what the new year holds and what He will do in 2012.