The Road of Uncertainty

Our journey since David's diagnosis 10 weeks ago has been marked with uncertainty. Although all of the specialists agree that his condition is fatal, it seems like every time we go to another doctor's appointment, we are told some new and different piece of information.

Sometimes, I feel like there are more questions than answers. What type of lethal skeletal dysplasia does David have? Is it a new mutation or a recessive gene that has suddenly emerged? How long will I be able to carry him in my womb? Will I experience complications with my pregnancy? Will he die in utero, or will he be born alive and live a few hours, days, weeks or months? At times, all of the uncertainty feels like more than I can bear.

All of the guesswork has made it clear that the science of medicine is limited by the confines of human comprehension. Man's knowledge is but a drop of water in the ocean of God's wisdom. Only the Creator of the universe knows and understands the intricacies of His creation. The Psalmist said, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13.

If God knit baby David together in my womb, then He chose to knit him with this genetic mutation, which will eventually lead to his death. Since I cannot understand God's plan in all of this, I must trust His wisdom and His goodness. "The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever." Deuteronomy 29:29.

Despite my frustration with all of the uncertainty, God has given me the grace to trust that He is working out each and every detail. He even uses human ignorance to work out His wonderful plans for His beloved. In Matthew 6:34, my Father told me "not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." As God provided for the Israelites in the wilderness, He provides me with my daily bread, not my weekly or monthly bread. His mercies are new every morning - great is His faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23.

The enemy has tried to cause confusion and anxiety through the uncertainty, but my Heavenly Father is using the enemy's tactics for my good, as He produces in me endurance, character and hope. Romans 5:3-5. God's word assures me that there are no oversights or mistakes in His plan. There are only speed bumps in the road that He has paved by His sovereign grace.